Not many people are aware of these clinics so here's a little insight to what it is and how it works for me.
First of all lets establish what G.U.M stands for...
Genito Urinary Medicine
These clinics are run by the NHS. Its where one goes for Sexual Health screening, Advice and Treatment. Its free and you do not have to give your real name nor do you have to be referred by your doctor. You can pick your results up yourself in 2wks or they send you a discreet text message... choice is yours
Having spoken to my gentlemen over the years it came to light that hardly any of them knew these places existed. My advice to EVERYONE is please, please, please, do get tested. Some std's can lie dormant for many years without you even knowing. You may have caught something back in 1992 when you had that little fling with the girl at work and mister johnny was nowhere to be seen...
My morning
Well its been 3 months since i last got tested so it was time to visit the GUM. I arrived an hour early but there are already several people before me. Thats very strange as i'm usually the first one there! The clinic i go to is a walk in centre. They dont have an appointment system. One could have a long wait... between 2-4hrs they say...
The doors are opened half an hour before the clinic times... those behind me make a mad rush for the door... again... strange... that has never happened before either. Looks like they left their manners at home...
So the girl who was actually first in the queue is now number 12. Shes not amused! I give a a sympathetic smile and say..." i know, some people are just downright rude"! Well one of the girls that had jumped the queue turned round and said... i'm only here for my results. So the girl who should have been first said... "yeah and... still doesnt give u the right to jump the queue does it"? And so they squabbled for a couple of minutes. Nice start!!!
I'm number 13. My turn eventually comes. They know i'm an Escort. I prefer them to know. That way they can take extra special care of me... and they do!
So i'm in the doctors office... its a new doctor... a gent... i dont mind... he's cute! So we go through my file... he asks me questions and i answer them. Then i'm off to a different room...
Blood test time
I dont like this part... for some reason my veins go into hibernation when i'm due a blood test. It takes the nurses several tries before they can get any blood out of me... so now i have 4 plasters... 2 on the back of my hands and two on each forearm. OMG the back of my hands... that just hurts sooooooo bad! But its got to be done... they did manage to get some blood out of me in the end. The nurse kept saying sorry all the way through... she probably knows its killing! You'd think i'd be used to this after so many years wouldnt you?
I'm ready for the next bit now
Time for the 'internal'
The lady doctor comes in to take a swab or two of my pink bits once i'm lying on the couch, each foot on the 'leg spreader thingymebob'... dont know what its called lol. Not very dignified position to be in nor comfortable, but not as painful as the blood test so im not complaining! Its done and i'm off and dressed, ready for the next stage
Urine test
They give me a cup and point at the ladies... I do what needs to be done and leave the covered cup by the small shutter where it says 'please leave cup here'... cant be any clearer than that can they? Hands washed and quick check in the mirror then back in the waiting room for my results.
The results
I only waited half an hour and i get called back in by the doctor. I'm all clear. I knew that! The rest of the results are sent to me via text in a fortnight
I tell him i need condoms etc so i'm sent off to another room.
Condom supply
The doctor i'm sent to is sweet. I tell her my gents are spoilt... they dont want the condoms they usually give me... I always buy Durex Elite. She tells me she can get me some. I was surprised at just how many she gave me... ok they usually give me boxes full of the other condoms but i thought she would be tight with the durex... i think i have a couple of hundred at least! She stuffs as many as she could in my bag... good thing i took that large handbag! She also gives me a large bottle of lube... Liquid Silk... its very similar to pjur... i've tried it... love it!
So thats me done for another 3 months...
I just wanted you all to see just how easy it is to get tested. Its your peace of mind
Do you wonder why i get tested so often when i dont offer certain services? I love KISSING... isnt that an exchange of bodily fluids? One can NEVER be too safe... thats all i can say...
So what are you waiting for? Go get yourself down to the local clinic :)
